Why do we always see others so clearly?
The mistakes they make, a better way they could be living, all their insecurities and fears holding them back. How is that we see others so clearly, and we seem half-blinded to our own selves, as much inner work and self-reflection we might be doing?
I’ve always been so fascinated by this.
The same way when we touch our own skin or stroke our hair, we feel nothing. But the touch of someone else can make shivers run through us.
When romantic relationship doesn't work out, you must acknowledge that some part of the equation was you, it's not all just him/her.
Often the other person seems to be the obvious “problem” and in case of hurt ego, anger, resentment and pain, your own shortcomings can fall through the cracks.
He was obviously unavailable, he was "acting jealous" or playing games, making you feel anxious or unsafe. The reasons I've heard are endless.
Sometimes you both recognize that it's not a compatible match, or you might admit that you want different things (which is why timing is everything when it comes to meeting "the right person") but so rare for this to happen, for people to arrive at this conclusion at the same time. Most of the times it's finger-pointing and blaming each other.
Do you blame yourself or do you blame the other person?
Do you dive deep in analyzing your own behavior and what could have caused the break up? Or do you find yourself to be a human expert and list bullet-points of all his insecurities?
A recent break up is what made me reflect on the topic of "patterns" , but patterns can happen in any area of your life.
I invite you to look harder. What is the pattern?
If you have lived in this world long enough, you might be finding yourself in loop of repeating situations. They might not be obviously ‘the same’ but if you look harder, you’ll notice a thread.
And you might ask 'what is the point of looking for these patterns?" life goes on and on and repeats itself.
Except, things keep happening to teach you a lesson. And to become a better person in the process of acknowledging, learning and growing.
And what is this life, if not a road to improvement?
By continuously becoming a better person, you will be better at work, at friendships, and romantic relationships.
I read my old journals and shake my head - how could I not see the pattern, how could I be so unaware?
Time will show, but mostly people will bring you to your own attention, when it happens - don't blame them.
Ask yourself - what is this person or situation here to teach me?
This question changed everything for me! Sailing through the life storms of heartaches and uncertainty, in stead of blame, anger, defeat, I look inwards and ask myself "what is my lesson here"
Trust me, most of the times it is not obvious, but the longer you look, the more likely that you will find it.