"A mind-blowing, singular breakthrough is now what changes your life.
A microshift is."
/Brianna Wiest/
There is only one way how we get somewhere. It is by doing.
Think about different areas of your life. Look at your life as a tool-box.
Which are the tools that you use most often? Those are the tools that you feel comfortable using, not because they are particularly easier to use. It’s because you are using them.
Relationships and communication, variety of sports, creative endeavors, business, travel, spirituality, family, new skills. The list of “tools” is endless.
I have travelled since the age of 19. I am reminded of how petrifying and scary the idea of travel is only when I see the expression on someone's face, when I tell them about my solo trip to Thailand or backpacking for 5 months.
I am not nervous: I plan, I book and I go. I don't feel unsafe, I don't feel anxious, I don't feel uncomfortable - I know that what to expect is completely unexpectable - and to travel means to adapt quickly and accept that things might not go to a plan.
I feel so comfortable in that place, that I don't even think about it.
But for most people it's scary - really scary. Why? Because they are not doing it regularly.
I walk along the beach every morning watching surfers fearlessly dive into the unforgiving ocean waves. All I see is the potential danger and countless variables of how things can go wrong. My friends, who surf daily, are speaking a different language. They immerse themselves in the process with so much excitement!
We are on the opposite sides of the spectrum.
"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
They have grown to feel comfortable with the completely unexpected nature of this activity.
The same way I have with travel.
How did we get there? By doing!
So, when you take a step back and look at your life, and the areas that you want to attend to, but haven’t – know that you will not arrive to a place of feeling “ready”, there will be no final blissful state, where all questioning, doubts and fears
will fall aside.
Not before you attempt an extreme sport or try to approach your boss to have uncomfortable conversation about boundary setting or pay-rise.
You might feel paralyzed, you might stumble for words, you most definitely will think of yourself as a failure, but setting things in motion is what will loosen the grip of fear. It will not disappear; it will start to dissipate.
You will get good at it, once you start doing it! You will find your own steps.
The same way we can’t teach our children how to walk jus by giving them theory of walking, so as adults, we too must practice.
I was inspired to “find the right words” on this subject, because recently I thought about human willingness to be or to avoid being in romantic relationships.
Some people are always dating someone, getting married, divorced, getting married again. They feel so comfortable with the notion that you are in love with someone today and you might not feel like pursuing that relationship few months
or years later.
They have become comfortable with the unexpected nature of it.
Then there are those, who are always on the start line – ready to participate in the race, only if the perfect partner arrives. And it never does, it never will, because humans are all deeply flawed; to look for one that will meet your expectation, who will tick all the boxes, is like looking for the best tree in the forest.
It’s a weird and impossible search (hence the weird example).
The same way I mentioned surfing vs travel comparison:
It’s not so much the subject itself, but your thoughts and feelings about the subject, that will essentially drive your behavior to pursue or not to pursue something.
If you don’t think that travel adds any value to your life, then you won’t feel compelled to do it. That’s easy - leave it there, it won’t keep you up at night, it won’t make you feel like you are not enough, it won’t make you feel lonely or
a failure.
But if there is something (like being in a romantic relationship) that you want to pursue – then you will have to push through the discomfort.
You will have to become comfortable with the unexpected nature of it.
Once you embark on that journey, you will find your own steps in it.
There are so many books, podcasts and videos offering advise on how to let go of fear,
how to take a leap of faith, how to risk it, how to put yourself out there.
Nobody can give you a theory that will ensure you a desired outcome.
You will have to push through the discomfort of doing it.
You will have to become comfortable with the unexpected nature of it.